Things I Learned in June

Click over to Chatting with the Sky and you can participate in this learning experience.

Learning to trust.
"Love Me through the anxiety."
I heard these words one morning from God when I awoke feeling anxious about the days ahead. He showed me how hard I had been fighting not to feel anxious, when I needed to stop fighting and trust Him.

When one door closes, God opens another.  My prayer group of several years disbanded this month. I carried a heavy heart for several days, feeling the loss. Then I realized two things.  The first, I remain in touch with  these precious women for the most part, just not in the same way. Second, I began an online study with GMG and am meeting a whole new group of women.

I am merely passing through this earth. I forget sometimes that this life is a small part of eternity. I have been doing a lot of packing, traveling, and unpacking the last several months. As I unpacked one more time today, I found my thoughts drifting to the Israelites, how they moved whenever God told them it was time, packing their every earthly belonging. What a reminder that this earthly home is temporary with a better one up ahead.

Celebrate every step forward. Focus on each of them. Lily has taught me this lesson. Every time she speaks, my heart dances. (Several of March 2013 posts chronicle our journey)

Journaling is a vital part of my journey. I knew this but taking Journal Your Life Course has reminded me how important it is to keep growing in this area, whatever form that takes for you.

Turn to God first. Even though I am trying to learn to pray and let go, I find myself trying to figure things out. I woke up at 4:00 am trying to work out my mom's transport home from rehab. Finally, after reading a post from my new group, I prayed for wisdom and when talking to hubby later, things fell into place.

Learn to receive grace, then I'll be able to give it. June has been a month of digging deep, soul-searching, seeing need to change and soaking up grace to forgive myself and keep hope. Its tough to see how much of my life has been lived under the yoke of perfectionism and how hard that has been on my family. God has chosen this time to open the eyes of my heart and break up fallow ground so He will have room to pour in love.

All roads lead to gratitude. I always return to this. I've begun a new list in my journal this month of things I am grateful for and write at least five each night.

Camera Story

I've gotten slack of late in taking pics with my camera. I did snap a few bird shots this week, but for the most part I used my iPhone. My camera travels with me whereever I go as here in the car cup holder. At this moment, it is still sitting in my car which is probably not exactly the perfect place, considering it is raining cats and dogs outside. Now that would be a photo, wouldn't it?

I am grateful for the convenience of the iPhone camera and it does a good job. This summer I want to tell stories with both of my cameras. Today's pic tells the tale. Cover still on, thrown carelessly when in a hurry, bottle caps from my water yet to be cleaned out of the car, and a yummy hand cleanser from Bath & Body. 

Things I Want To Make...

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  Photo Credit: Amber Walker
  
  
  

  • beautiful photographs
  • a quilt for my bed
  • list of books to read
  • walking time
  • frames with favorite photos
  • writing space for book
  • time with friends
  • vegetable garden
  • healthy body
  • wise choice of words 
  • more room in my heart for God's love
  • trip to new places
  • hubby time
  • movement to God's rhythm
  • breath prayers
  • visual journal
  • memory moments with my grandchildren
  • Himself list
  • a path to God for my children
  • pain go away for those I love (though I know I can't)
  • peace 

  
  

  List inspired by Relyn

Confusion

I am back at the camper for two days, trying to rid myself of this cough before the rest of  the family comes on the weekend. I was too tired to notice anything awry when I landed here last night. Emerging this morning,  I found the tin we keep the birdseed in tipped over, bent open and seed scattered everywhere. An unsettled feeling stirred within me. It had to be something pretty big to bend the can like that. Then I noticed the feeder itself. The wood on the front was torn off and lying on the ground. This can't be good.

After cleaning up the mess, I walked over to my neighbors' camper. 

"Are there any critters around, besides skunks and racoons?" I inquired.

 "There was a sign up at the laundromat to take all bird feeders down. We have a bear in the park."

Reluctantly, I removed the bird feeder and moved our tin man ( Hubby's Dad made him) to the pole.

Later, as I sat on the deck, I watched a curious squirrel keep crawling up the pole and all over the tin man, investigating. Then he looked up at me and began to chatter. I know. I feel the same.

The birds have been coming all day to clean up the seed on the ground - tiny sparrows, yellow finches, red or purple finches (not sure because they look red to me), two morning doves and one single blue jay who likes to cock his head at me.  I will miss my feathered friends. 

Breath Prayer

Breath Prayer.

Mention of this prayer first caught my attention over on Chatting at the Sky.

 I googled it and found a  little more about it. I found a post on this site - Mosaic

The next morning I was reading in Jeremiah 31 and struck by the idea of setting up signposts to keep me on track or help gude my way and I immediately thought of breath prayer. Thus I began to ponder what that would look like for me at this time in my life. I went back to Psalm 27 where I have spent a considerable amount of time recently. I found the gist of my prayer.

Teach me your ways, O LORD

But I knew I needed that name of God.

Isaiah 30 came to me where Isaiah says, "though you are given the bread of adversity or the waters of affliction, your Teacher will be hidden no more."

I remember about a year ago, in prayer, I saw a vision (for lack of a better word) of Jesus. There were all these sparkly things and words swirling around his neck and head forming a key and moving right down into the book in his hands, the Bible. I heard at the time- All your answers are here.
How easy it is to write something down and forget it.
I dont want to forget.

Thus my breath prayer for this season is completed.

Teach me your ways, O LORD, my Teacher. 

As i have been praying throughout the day in specific situations, I have found myself adding two little words, in this.

Teach me your ways in this, O LORD, my Teacher.

Do you have one you would like to share? I would love to hear it?

Week in Review

I began this week in total exhaustion, not realizing that I was coming down with a virus. 

Silver Lining: I was able to rest at the camper four days.

Mom remains in rehab after knee surgery doing well, but I haven't been able to visit because of the virus.

Silver Lining: My brother was a great help, as well as McKenna picking up some things she needed.

God dug deep this week and tears were shed.

Silver Lining: Peace as a result.

Another book makes my favorite list, which I have yet to create. "love anthony" by Lisa Genova is a beautifully written novel, layered with the stories of two women and one little boy. I bought this book for my daughter and when I read it after her, I realized what a miracle happened the day her hand pulled this from the shelf in Shermans. It could have been written for her.

Missing home, had to cancel several appointments.

Silver Lining: email is a wonderful thing! 

Journaling class off the ground and running. "Anything" study with GMG challenging. Love how both of these are working together in my life.

Back in Bangor for the weekend, still coughing, resting, reading. 

Three Little Words

 

After a few days rest, I managed to tame the virus attacking me through zicam, airborne and echinacea. I say "tame" because it seems to keep reappearing. The whole family is fighting it. I was grateful to be feeling better in time for an afternoon with Lily on such a beautiful day. We tested her swimming pool out. (See photos today and tomorrow over on Wings Open). The cherries weren't ready yet, but she liked the leaves anyway.

I've shared here and there about little steps of progress Lily has made but the last few weeks have been amazing. All of a sudden, she connected words with their meaning and it was as though a door opened. I asked her at lunch time, oatmeal or pancakes, and she said oatmeal. Note: Lily has a short list of foods she likes, which is not unusual in children with autism. The point is that she told me which food she wanted with no visuals, no pointing. Yay!

Then Mama had her tell me her name.Proudly, she grinned and said,"illy."

My brother popped in and she told both he and his doggie goodbye.

The best part of the day came when she was leaving with Dada tonight and I said say, "Love you, Mammy." Guess what?  She did! Three little words as important to me as a Presidential speech to others. 

Celebrating every step along the journey.

Lots to write in my journal tonight.

If I Were an Ocean

If I were an ocean, I would be a little inlet beside a small community. Picture families working and playing together, Christmas lights strung across weather-worn buildings, seagulls crying out to one another.

 My heart is gently beating the rhythm Creator intended, as the village moves to my rhythm. No discordance, nothing changes the movement of my days except the occasional storm. I am always knowing this too shall pass. Children play on my single beach, mothers read, lovers stroll, and dreamers dream. 

I reflect the blueness of the sky by day and twinkling stars by night, yet I always keep my shape, my heart, my depth within. Ever moving, deeply loving, eternal.

~An exercise for Journal Your Life

A Little R & R

Resting at the camper today, hoping to fend off a virus.

Verse for the Week

It's time to choose another memory verse. I was leaning toward a certain verse when I got this in my email yesterday. Verse 18 was the one I chose. 

Just in case there was any doubt,  an email came in this morning from (in)Courage with the same verse! I love it. 

Now to figure out how to keep my eyes fixed on the eternal.

Thoughts for the Weekend

Don't Lose Heart

1 Samuel 17:32

2 Corinthians 4:16

Hebrews 12:3

Take Heart.

Psalm 31:24

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Balancing Act

I don't know how she does it. I have been here staying with the girls while my daughter fulfills a week in the Air Force Reserves. Those of you who follow me know that I have been semi living here for the past eight months, but its not the same as going it alone.

I skipped my morning shower, giving top priority to a two-year-old sick with a cold or allergies, debating " to school or not to school.?" School won out but left me second guessing after a teary goodbye on both our parts. I balanced my makeup by the kitchen sink, trying to look presentable before entering the world.

The next part of the morning was dedicated to a promised trip with McKenna to the bank for some special plans, which shall remain nameless.

A quick grocery store run ensued. Of course, I chose the store that didn't carry all I needed 😔. Off to get Lily. That went fast. How I love seeing that face! It's the best part of the day, runny nose and all.

She is sleeping now and I have a stack of bills and billing that have been shouting at me all week from home. Telling the bills to hush one more time, I fell asleep three times in my journaling video with Susannah Conway and she is not boring! Finally, giving in, I pulled a blanket over me and settled on the couch. Just then my phone rang with the news they are moving Mom to rehab today. Really? Did I have to know that right now?

So here I am, posting on my faithful blog, instead of napping or cleaning the table off or planting flowers long thought of and not purchased.

How does she do it all? Balance two daughters ( one with special needs), get a practice off the ground for a full-time job, part-time reserves involving a lot of travel, wade through uncertain waters of changing relationships, fit her run in, art journal (published several times), or just breathe?

Here's to you dear daughter and all the moms out there trying to make it through another day of challenges without a sure roadmap in these changing times.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Simple Joys

Hmmm, is there water in there?

There was! Splash...

Intentions for "Journal Your Life"

List of Intentions for Journal Your Life, Summer 2013:

• daily letting go of anxiety, worry, burdens I tend to carry
• write, write, write
• inspire myself to break out in my writing and my blog
• write myself into joy
• me-time in the midst of responsibility and traveling
• participate in community of journalers
• find the creative girl buried beneath layers of stuff

iPad Time

Lily loves my iPad. Can you tell? 

I have a page of her apps and she knows if she wants to play a game or watch something. Usually we are 

cuddling side by side, which is our special time. 

 A little peek of the start of my week. 

Joy Comes in the Morning

Over the weekend, someone share wedding pictures of the Princess of Sweden on my Facebook.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2337887/Princess-Madeleine-Sweden-weds-American-financier-beau-watched-audience-royal-guests.html

For some reason, these photos brought me a sense of joy.

I am beginning a new week by sharing my joy (and that of Princess Madeleine) with you as well as my new morning mantra for this week:

Joy comes in the morning!

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Week in Review

My best friend, Pam, came from Nova Scotia to spend the week with me at the camper. The first day we strolled around Bar Harbor and had a lovely lunch at La Bella Vista, which I have already posted. Most mornings we spent catching up with each other; afternoons browsing through a shop or resting with a book. One day I planted my flower bed here at camp. 

We were able to spend some time with the girls and Lily surprised us with her newly-learned words,"Hi Pam" much to our delight.

Today we have holed up in the camper to avoid the pouring rain and wind outside. We visited Etsy.com, Amazon and I finished the book I wanted to send home with her.

Tomorrow she will head out to visit her family on her way home and I will return to my daughter's home to stay with the girls for a week. 

I will miss you friend.

La Bella Vita

Pam and I had a delightful lunch at La Bella Vita downtown Bar Harbor two days ago. I wondered if the hostess was a blogger or photographer at heart because when I was taking the photo of the stained glass window, she moved something and said,"Come over on this side where the light is coming through."

See my pic over on Wings Open.

God Sings Italian Too!

I am back at the camper this week taking a mini-vacation. My friend, Pam, drove from Nova Scotia to spend the week. Today we strolled around Bar Harbor and enjoyed a delightful lunch in a lovely Italian restaurant.

After a good day together, when I got in bed I heard a bird singing. What an unusual sound in the night! I read in Streams in the Desert that there is a bird which only sings in darkness. Both my friend and I have had a rough year and neither of us did much singing. Perhaps God was singing over us for He saw this day on the horizon, way before we could even imagine it.


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Home with the Black Flies

Here is a little glimpse of home as I pack up to head south. The Maine black flies gave me a hearty goodbye as I walked around the yard and took a few pictures. How is it that every winter we long for summer, but somehow manage to forget all about the black flies, thunderstorms, and mosquitos? It's still better than driving in snowstorms or shoveling out cars (the latter was my daughter's miserable job). Scratch, scratch...