Monday, December 31, 2012

Looking Back Over 2012

At the onset of this year, I shared what I thought to be my One Word for 2012.
Yet when I wrote my blog profile for the year, the word shift imprinted itself on my mind and followed me throughout the year. I had written in my journal on December 1, 2011,
"This will be a shifting year. Perhaps this is my word for 2012."
 Yet I went with my head when choosing my one word.

transitive verb
1. to exchange for or replace by another
2. a. to change the place, position or direction of
    b. to make a change in (place)
3. to change phonetically

A few others are: to change gears, to depress the shift key, to go through a change

Several shifts took place in my life in twelve months.

Spiritually, I knew Jesus was calling me to turn to Him, instead of always asking Him to turn to me. To follow Him, regardless of what it looked like. I responded with my whole heart in readiness. Little did I know how life would change. By October, I was living withmy daughter, caring for a toddler, having left my life and all that entailed. I chose to follow Jesus and this was His plan.

My scripture verse for the year: "She who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall remain stable and fixed under the shadow of the Almighty, whose power no foes can withstand."
Psalm 91:1 Amplified.
I thought I knew what it was to dwell in the secret place but I have much to learn.

I spent much time in Psalm 23, sitting at the table in the presence of mine enemies, letting Jesus set the table. Familiar scriptures becoming unfamilar and new.

As 2012 comes to a close, I thought I would breathe a big sigh of relief to have it behind me, but instead this morning I sit with the knowledge that God has created a deep work inside of me. I hadn't known pruning of my heart was needed. I hadn't realized how I had kept Holy Spirit at a distance, all the while begging him to come. I hadn't seen the idols vying for my attention. My eyes were closed to the acres of fallow ground in my garden which needed plowing.

But Jesus  knew when he stood before me one Saturday morning and said to me, " Follow Me upon the high places," where He was taking me.

Did I make this journey without fear, doubt, pain and despair?
I wish I could say yes, but that would not be the truth.
It has been hard.
There were times I wondered where He was.
Again and again I turned to His Word for reassurance. After months of that, the Word grew dim in the light of circumstance.
 I could only rely on His faithfulness, even when I was faithless.

2012 I bid you farewell.
Thank you for the gifts you have imparted to me. I am forever changed.

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