Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Past Meets Present

When I was 21 years old, I asked Jesus to come into my heart and take over my life. "Streams in the Desert" was my very first devotional book. I used it for years and then I must have loaned it to someone. What was I thinking? That I'd outgrown it? Oh, foolish pride!

When I went to purchase another, all I could find were revised, updated versions but they weren't the same. Finally in a second-hand bookstore I discovered an original copy. The owner had marked it profusely with pencil so now everyday I take my eraser to those marks and pen my own.

The last several days it's as though God has been speaking the words straight to my heart. Today's reading described how the children of Israel moved from faint discontentment and complaining to full-blown rebellion.
"Let us give ourselves no liberty ever to doubt God or his love and faithfulness."
I have given myself way too much liberty. God has given me grace, but I have been stuck.

I am sitting in a new home away from home this morning, a little two room apartment provided by friends who live below me. It's lovely but it's not home. 
It's in the heart of the city, no clip-clop of Amish horses going by or quiet country nights. 
I am tempted to doubt but I have lived too many of my days in doubt this past year and in discouragement, the tools of the enemy to turn my heart into a rebel.

God is teaching me to trust him. He wants me to recognize my rebel heart and repent, turning to him, yielding to His all-knowing view of my life. 

I am here until the process is complete getting Lily established in all-day care. Yet over the past few days, God has been quietly whispering that He has a plan and I am here for more reasons than I can see.

"We can set our will against doubt just as we do against any other sin." 

Doubt is sin. Whoa. Now there's a thought. Doubt is a weapon of darkness and it often is accompanied by discouragement and sometimes sadness. 

I love what she goes on to say. 

"I like to cultivate the spirit of gladness" 

Isn't that a wonderful thought? 

My heart turns toward the Lord today in gratitude for:

My daughter whose birthday was yesterday. I celebrate her life.
Peace of mind and heart, never over-rated. I can't get enough.
Old time devotional writers who have gone before us.
Journaling, a great outlet
God's limitless grace

1 comment:

Nancy said...

That's one of my all time favorite devotional books...

It sounds like things are beginning to settle down alittle for you and maybe into a routine..I am thankful you are feeling God's presence and that He is lifting you up....