Two Sides of Hope

“Pride slays thanksgiving.” Henry Ward Beecher

“The demanding of my own will is the singular force that smothers my joy.” Ann Voskamp

I ask for forgiveness and I mean it, yet the prayer presses hard to speak, through empty caverns of the heart.

I am numb with defeat.

Was it only a year back that I lay on my face in repentance for pride and self- will?

Today I sit still.

I thought it was faith that believed Love would not let her down

not

this ugly “sense of entitlement” as Ann would say.

Knees stiff and straight,

not

humbly bent.

I’d forgotten the basis of all that is faith…

Yielding to Love,

Surrender of all in my hand

that I may receive from His.

“I can empty because I am full of His Love. I can trust. “ Ann VosKamp

I don’t empty, because I don’t trust.

Not yet.

This has always been my weakness.

What will it take?

Eucharisteo.

Begin again. Simple thanks in simple places.

Perform the action of hope.

Plow the hard ground.