Two things happened to me this week of the Joy Diet. The first is that I had to let go of a few things. The second is remembering to keep it simple.
Letting Go: The interesting thing about this is timing. Last Friday in the mail I received a manilla envelope from a past professor. She was cleaning out her office and came across my portfolio of goals that I had written my freshman year in college and sent it to me. (Who does that? ) It lay on the table unopened all day. Finally I got the courage to open it.
I didn't go to college until my children were grown. I dove in like I had something to prove. The first year I paced myself. Then I took honors courses and heavy loads and aced them, only to burn out halfway to my goal. I left with a leave of absence and nary a word. I never returned. In the background, I carried a shadow of failure. Now it's in my face.
I read through the material and sent an email off to her with a thank you and a sort of apology for not completing my goals. By now I'm in the week of examining the desires of my heart. The first image that comes to me is that of Dorothy's ruby slippers clicking together. I had written a poem about this in college, so now I'm digging through my writings...
I'll cut to the chase. I realize I must let this go. Maybe I will return to college, maybe not. Either way, it has weighted me down long enough.
Keep it simple: I had two pictures this week, I've already described the first. The second was one of me barefoot in a spring dress, running right at the end of a tunnel. I am ready to break out into a beautiful Italian looking village basking in sunlight. Letting go is freeing me to move out from under the tunnel into what I love. I kept looking for what that is- some BIG thing. All week I had been seeing the word HOME. Finally I realize, it's just that simple. Even growing up, with all my dreams of becoming an actress or a nurse , the one common denominator was that I had and loved my own home. I love being at home. I work from home for my hubby a couple of mornings a week. I have women in my home for Bible study and encouragement. Ok, I won't bore you, but it is very simple for me. I am enough. Without a college degree or doing something measurably great.
Vision card: note the woman in the boat. In my Esther study this week, Beth describes our moving into the future like a woman rowing a boat backwards into the future. She is going foward , but her history is a part of her destiny. I opened a new magazine and on the second page there was the photo of the woman. Wow! Nothing is wasted. What I learned in that time I will carry with me and as long as it no longer pulls me back with regret, it may a part of what propels me forward.
One interesting note: The year I left college I was reading a book called "Waking the Dead." One of its themes is following the desires of your heart. A full circle moment indeed!