My August Filter

Frustrated by my Blog press photos being blurry but its all I have on 3G  here at camp.

"My purpose here on earth is to be loved by God and then to pour out that love." Inspired by Graham Cooke


My oldest granddaughter is away this week taking a journalism course. She surprised me with her ability to transition into meeting new people, writing course challenges and keeping homesickness at bay, at least thus far.

When I was 17, I wasn't thinking about college or new opportunities or traveling. I was getting married.
As a little girl I used to dream about becoming a nurse or an actress. In junior high, I looked into nursing school, made a few inquiries, and was certain this would be my future. Then my family moved to Maine and I, the shy new girl, was plunged into a high school where everyone knew each other, except me.

I don't recall a teacher or counselor or anyone telling me that college was a possibility for me, although I was taking college prep. My family barely had enough to make ends meet so maybe subconsciously I dismissed the dream.

I did go to college for a few years after my last child left the nest, but I took a leave of absence before completing my degree and never returned.
I wonder if I let fear stop me. I was facing some tough courses that weren't my strengths. I had thrown myself in full force, taking honors English and history classes to the point where I was burnt out. I could barely balance a checkbook and it was months before I could read a book for fun.

So why do I feel like I failed?

Perhaps because others lives seem to be filled with accomplishments and opportunities and mine seems plain and simple.

What if I take all of these thoughts and filter them through the thinking that my purpose here on earth is to be loved by God and to pour out that love? What then?

Then I post a photo taken a few weeks ago with me, my sons and two of my grandchildren and we all look happy together.

This is what I did. I raised my family and actually with tons of mistakes, often being too hard on them because I was hard on me and I didn't know God wanted to love me, just as I am.

The truth is they are awesome! Not perfect but they are loved by their dad and me.

And now there's Lily. And I love loving her!

Love can't be measured in BAs or salaries or honors.

Those are my thoughts on this first day of August, unedited.






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