Things I Learned in June

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Learning to trust.
"Love Me through the anxiety."
I heard these words one morning from God when I awoke feeling anxious about the days ahead. He showed me how hard I had been fighting not to feel anxious, when I needed to stop fighting and trust Him.

When one door closes, God opens another.  My prayer group of several years disbanded this month. I carried a heavy heart for several days, feeling the loss. Then I realized two things.  The first, I remain in touch with  these precious women for the most part, just not in the same way. Second, I began an online study with GMG and am meeting a whole new group of women.

I am merely passing through this earth. I forget sometimes that this life is a small part of eternity. I have been doing a lot of packing, traveling, and unpacking the last several months. As I unpacked one more time today, I found my thoughts drifting to the Israelites, how they moved whenever God told them it was time, packing their every earthly belonging. What a reminder that this earthly home is temporary with a better one up ahead.

Celebrate every step forward. Focus on each of them. Lily has taught me this lesson. Every time she speaks, my heart dances. (Several of March 2013 posts chronicle our journey)

Journaling is a vital part of my journey. I knew this but taking Journal Your Life Course has reminded me how important it is to keep growing in this area, whatever form that takes for you.

Turn to God first. Even though I am trying to learn to pray and let go, I find myself trying to figure things out. I woke up at 4:00 am trying to work out my mom's transport home from rehab. Finally, after reading a post from my new group, I prayed for wisdom and when talking to hubby later, things fell into place.

Learn to receive grace, then I'll be able to give it. June has been a month of digging deep, soul-searching, seeing need to change and soaking up grace to forgive myself and keep hope. Its tough to see how much of my life has been lived under the yoke of perfectionism and how hard that has been on my family. God has chosen this time to open the eyes of my heart and break up fallow ground so He will have room to pour in love.

All roads lead to gratitude. I always return to this. I've begun a new list in my journal this month of things I am grateful for and write at least five each night.